All of us will go through bereavement and loss at some time in our lives. Whilst different people experience loss in different ways, it can still be deeply felt and distressing. It is important to recognise that sometimes those experiencing loss may not grieve at the time of their loss. It is not unusual for unresolved feelings to emerge later, often reawakened by another loss or life event.
We may feel the following when grieving:
- Feeling numb
- Disrupted sleep
- Thinking about, and re-experiencing the person who died
- Loss or increase in appetite
- Feeling anxious
- Noticing you feel angry
- Feeling intensely and crying
When suffering a loss we tend to go through the following stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and meaning. It’s important to remember that there is no one size fits all pattern of grieving. Different people grieve in different ways, it’s not linear, at and at times it can feel overwhelming. Our personal journey through grief can be more like a doodle on a page rather than a straight curve on a graph. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming and these feelings can come through in waves of emotion.
Working through grief and loss together
Working with grief in therapy can be a helpful way to explore how this personally affects you, what this all means to you, and what may be important for you.
At time the idea of getting over it can feel daunting and unhelpful. Most people find that slowly, the pain feels less intense and is felt less often. The loss may never go away but it can be possible to accept what has happened while remembering who we loved in a way that allows the other parts of our lives to return to prominence.
Grief can be isolating and I believe there is something useful and helpful to sharing and exploring loss within a therapeutic relationship on your terms.
Finding meaning in life again is a personal journey and may not happen quickly. It’s not easy, but through acceptance and new meaning making, our grief may not disappear but it may become less dominant as other aspects of our lives slowly return to prominence within a tapestry of your own choosing.